Why First-Gen Professionals Struggle with Guilt—and How to Break the Cycle

Have you ever found yourself paralyzed by the dreaded dinner dilemma—jollof, pasta, or egusi? Then raise a finger If your decision-making skills were outsourced to your parents or caregivers growing up, go ahead, raise a finger. Now, raise another if you’ve felt the weighty pressure to bend over backward to please your immigrant parents, even if it means sidelining your happiness. Raise the middle finger (cheeky, but justified) if you hide your true feelings and thoughts yourself to not rock the boat or inconvenience others-especially your parents. And one last finger if you’re perpetually stuck in the land of indecision, wrestling with low self-esteem, and haunted by the ghost of "Did I measure up to expectations?"

Sound familiar? You’re not alone—and at Farada Mental Health, we’re here to help flip the script, reclaim your choices, and empower you to live authentically. Ready to break free? Let’s explore your path to lasting healing together.

Chronic guilt is the silent weight first-gens carry—the belief they must succeed at all costs or risk letting everyone down.”

Chronic guilt, also known as a guilt complex, refers to persistent belief you’ve done something wrong. It can lead to feeling of shame and anxiety along with constant feelings of worry and guilt. These feelings tend to linger long after the triggering event or situation and be norm for the person experiencing it.

Similarly to imposter syndrome, we seem to take on a weight that is seemingly ours, but is actually our perceived expectations of others, especially our parents. Unlike imposter syndrome, which usually leads to ridiculously high standards and an unwavering sense of inadequacy, chronic guilt can lead us to feelings of shame or feeling like a disappointment.

6 Signs of Chronic Guilt

1. Feeling guilty for taking time off or resting: You may believe that rest is a luxury, especially when compared to a parent's sacrifices, that you can’t afford.

2. You may over-apologize and have the excessive need and desire to please others.

3. Seeking reassurance: You may repeatedly seek reassurance from others to alleviate feelings of guilt. 

4. Difficulty saying no to family demands, even when it harms mental health.

5. Emotional burden: You may fee; responsible for your family's happiness and survival, and downplaying personal achievements or struggles. 

6. Overworking and Overcompensating:

   1. To make your parents’ sacrifices “worth it”, you over overwork yourself to the point of burnout.

   2. You may also overcompensate by offering more than you can give, whether it is emotionally, financially or physically. 

UNCHAINING

How can we unchain ourselves from the self-imposed guilt that has enslaved our minds and inhibited our true expressions of who are?

9 Ways to Break Free

from Chronic Guilt

1. Balance Personal Freedom and Family Needs.

   1. Set and assert boundaries with compassion. Use language that frames self-care as a way to sustain your ability to support others long-term.

      1. “I need rest so I can be more present for you.”

      2. “I understand that you want the best for me and I appreciate everything you have done, but I need to do this for emotional and spiritual health.”

2. Community Support

   • Join first-gen support groups, healing circles, or mentorship programs.

   • Sharing experiences reduces isolation and normalizes feelings of guilt.

3. Set Cultural Boundaries with Respect

   • Use “we-language” when saying no:

     • “I want to support us, but I need to do this first so I can continue supporting in the future.”

     • “I want what’s but best for our family same as you, but it can’t be at the cost of my happiness.”

   • This honors your parents’ or caregivers’ values and desires while protecting your well-being.

4. Celebrate Small Victories with Family

   • Share milestones (even small ones) with family members to make them feel included.

   • This reduces guilt about “living separately” by showing how success is communal

5. Make Time for the Things You Love-

6. When the weight of your family’s legacy or livelihood is seemingly on your shoulders, doing the things you love or activities that spark joy

7. Reframe the guilt: Switch it up and view the guilt as a motivation to honor your heritage by succeeding and making a difference in your community. Guilt can be a healthy emotion if you see it for what it is rather than a burden.

8. Be Present

   1. Practice staying in the moment.

   2. Acknowledge and accept your emotions, thoughts and inner sensations without judgement. Then let it go (this takes practice so don’t give up after the first or second try).

9. Practice Self-Compassion

   1. Struggling and facing challenges are natural parts of being human. Everyone has difficulties; this doesn’t make you flawed but human.

   2. Accepting this reduces isolation and shame, fostering self-compassion and growth.

   3. Embracing imperfections builds a foundation for healing and resilience, helping you move forward with strength and clarity.

We may be the reason our parents worked hard ‘till they were bone tired and sacrificed their own happiness and dreams. But, it does not mean that we must suffer in our guilt ridden path to repay them. Especially because 1) we mostly likely can’t repay them and 2) our suffering would mean their sacrifices were in vain.